Over the course of a year we have many experiences, some good and some tough or even just plain bad. For our household it has been a year of many tough and bad experiences. It has been a mixture of death, illness, change in employment, let downs in employment, major changes in the care of our children, and for the first time heavy anxiety for me.
No sugar-coating here. Attending four funerals and losing four people who once occupied space in your life is enough to take a toll on anyone. But pack on all the rest and well, let’s just say that life gets interesting. For me I had to choose if I was going to let it consume me and make me afraid of what bad thing is coming next. Or was I going to go against the grain and dig out.
I chose the latter. But that didn’t mean there wasn’t time to grieve or to be frustrated or concerned. It was actually important to live in the moments of the bumps. But it was also important for me to remember that life is more than a cumulative of those bad bump moments. I’m more than the cumulative of those bad bump moments.
When I was truly able to embrace that I started to look at this year differently. Yes I lost four people this year and am still grieving but I’m grateful for the space they occupied in my life. Two were wonderful cousins, one younger and one older. Both made impacts in different ways. Another was a best friends father who was such a kind man who took me in and welcomed me into their family. And the last was a friend of my husband. A selfless person who showed me what it was to really give of yourself. For them, I’m grateful.
I’m grateful for not getting a promotion at work because it reminded me that I have that fight in me. That drive to not be told no. The decision to go a different route will only help me down the road. And it’s pushing me to be even better in my current role.
I’m grateful that I can honestly say that ,while scary , I can conquer my anxiety. There were some months when I wasn’t sure it was possible.
My kids. Boy am I grateful for my kiddos. Much of my anxiety was rooted in changing their way of life. Going from being home with dad to being at daycare and after school programs was a huge adjustment. It was hard but my eyes were open to how amazing and resilient these wonderful little humans of mine really are. It was an invaluable life lesson for me. A reminder to let go of the mom guilt and have faith in your kids and your decisions.
My illness and other family members have put added emphasis on family. I’m blessed to have a large family and I’m blessed to have married a great man with wonderful family.
And I’m so grateful for friends. For those friends who I’ve known for years. Old friends know your soul. Sometimes even better than you know yourself. And im thankful and grateful for my community of friends. I never thought I’d have that. And my momma friends. It’s amazing to connect with so many like-minded women that I’ve found this year.
Many joke about the chaos of traveling, cleaning, expense and family drama around the holidays. I say, life is short. Embrace it all and find your gratitude attitude.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!